


Terrible Hanukkah Sweaters and Other Life Challenges

by professor



Series: Other Life Challenges [1]
Category: X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Canon Disabled Character, Canon Jewish Character, Gen, Holiday Hell, M/M, Non-denominational winter celebrations, dadneto, fandom hanukkah challenge 2014, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 11:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2690603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/professor/pseuds/professor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Why am I here again?” Erik groans.</p><p>“I need you to lift things and glower at people over my shoulder when I tell people that it’s not ‘politically correct’ or a ‘war on Christmas’ to have a non-denominational winter holiday festival,” says Theresa Pryde. </p><p>Well, at least those are two things he’s good at.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Terrible Hanukkah Sweaters and Other Life Challenges

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Red](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red/gifts).
  * Translation into 中文 available: [惨不忍睹的光明节毛衣](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2800793) by [Go_MrCactus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Go_MrCactus/pseuds/Go_MrCactus)



Once, Erik was feared. Once he was _respected_. Once, he was poised to take the world by storm, and bring the human governments to their _knees_.

Then he went and had a kid, got married, had two more kids, got divorced, had yet _another_ kid due to an ill-advised one night stand, and somehow wound up with custody of all four of them. 

(“Erik, for fuck’s sake,” Magda had said when he told her about Lorna. “ _Get a vasectomy._ ”

He got a vasectomy.)

It turns out raising kids and leading a radical militant mutant revolution are incompatible goals. 

The kids won by a landslide. And Emma and Angel seem to be handling the revolution just fine.

(Although he hasn’t given up on the idea of rejoining the cause when the kids are grown and can serve as his loyal lieutenants. Lorna already shows promise, waving her hands excitedly whenever Erik practices his monologuing as he gives her piggyback rides.)

So now Erik’s days are full of playdates and cooking and cleaning and shuttling the kids back and forth to school and all their various activities. 

He wouldn’t trade it.

(Although he misses the cape.)

*****

One day, Erik vows, he will bring the world to its knees, and on that day, schools will no longer allowed to commit such _travesties_.

“Daddy?” asks Wanda, thrusting the piece of paper at him again. “ _Please_ will you sign?”

One day, he’ll stop giving in when his children -- his _Jewish-Romani_ children, thank you -- beg him to go on a class field trip to see a performance of ‘The Nutcracker Suite.’ (It’s a public school, for fuck’s sake).

But that day is not today. 

Erik sighs, and runs his fingers through his hair, and signs the permission slip.

Or any time soon, if he’s completely honest with himself.

*****

Erik for the most part, tries to not censor his kids’ consumption of media, aside from making sure everything is vague age-appropriate. (Although wow, _Legend of Korra_ is kind of dark for a show playing on Nick. On the other hand, it’s not like there are a ton of shows with non-white female protagonists to choose from. Though it gets annoying to hear people call him a “metalbender” when his powers work in a _completely different way_.)

Anyway, he tries not to crush their freedom of expression, or whatever. But seriously, they are Jewish and Jewish-Romani (Romani-Jewish, according to Magda) and there’s no reason why the twins should keep insisting on watching _The Charlie Brown Christmas Special_ and _Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer_.

(Theresa Pryde assures him it’s a phase, but he has his doubts.)

When he takes over the world, Erik swears the first thing he’s going to do after enacting equal rights for all mutantkind is to ban Christmas specials from being broadcast outside of December. 

(A tiny part of his mind says that his kids will either just make him buy the DVDs, or figure out how to stream it on the Internet, but he tells that part to shut up.)

*****

“I blame you for this,” Erik tells Magda on Facetime that night, after all the kids have talked to her.

Once that would have started a fight, but now Magda just rolls her eyes at him. (The divorce had ironically saved their friendship.) She holds up her hand and makes a circle with her index finger and thumb. “Behold, the number of fucks I give, Erik.”

Erik’s more than a little offended, because that is _his_ phrase. She’s not allowed to use it. 

“Please,” snorts Magda when he tells her that. “You stole it off of Tumblr.”

Well _yes_ , but that’s beside the point.

“Also,” Magda continues, “are you seriously suggesting that I, what, force the kids to watch Christmas specials with their eyes taped open Clockwork Orange style? Why would I do that? I’m not Christian either, Erik.”

Well, when she puts it like that, of _course_ it sounds stupid.

*****

The week ends, and Erik is looking forward to two days of freedom from the 60-day Christmas season. He should have known it wouldn’t be that simple. 

“ _What_ ,” he snarls into his phone as he starts another load of laundry.

“I’m recruiting you for the room parent committee,” says Theresa Pryde.

“Like hell you are,” says Erik. 

*****

After his terrible conversation with Theresa, Erik loads the kids into the minivan for Hebrew school, as it’s his week to drive. When they get to the Hallers' house, David comes running out, Gabrielle chasing after him with his jacket.

“Muh-oooom!” David complains as Gabrielle shoves him into his jacket. “I can do it myself!” Gabrielle gets him tucked into his jacket, and buckled into the bucket seat before pressing a kiss on his cheek. “Now you be good for Mr. Lehnsherr, David.”

Erik nods. “Gabrielle.”

She nods back. “Erik.” Pleasantries satisfied, she shuts the door, and watches them drive off, no doubt to run back into the house and collapse for a quick nap while they’re gone. 

(At least, that’s what Erik assumes she does -- Erik doesn’t have that luxury, still having two-year-old Lorna to watch. But someday. He _dreams_ of having regular naptime -- for himself -- once every two weeks.)

*****

“Daddy, we should hang these up,” says Wanda, handing him brightly colored construction paper glued together in a circle.

“What.” says Erik. He’s normally good at pretending to like his kid’s art projects (the fridge is covered with them), but this is a Christmas wreath. First the school is taking the kids to see ‘The Nutcracker Suite’, and now this? For fuck’s sake, Halloween was _last week_.

It’s so great that the twin’s public school that he helps fund with his tax dollars is so committed to diversity in the classroom. Half the reason Erik fantasizes (plans obsessively) about one day taking over the world is so his children don’t have to put up with this shit.

But (regrettably) violence isn’t the tool that’s going to actually get the job done here. 

“Later, Wanda,” he says, already making a list of people he’s going to call. Gabrielle, for one, and Theresa, and the St. Croixs and the Khans. Theresa, for one, will be livid. That, and the fact that she’s on the school board, means that this might actually get taken seriously.

*****

That does actually work out, except that Theresa Pryde exacts a heavy payment for her services of bitching out the administration, and Erik ends up on the damn room parent committee anyway. Which is _bullshit_ , because she’d have done it for free, he knows.

“Why am I here again?” Erik moans at 7 am on a Saturday morning, in the school gym to help set up for the school’s winter festival.

His only consolation is that he is far from the only one to get roped into this, if the crowds of sleep-deprived parents milling around the gym are any indication. And the school was nice enough to provide childcare on-site for the parents helping out. Gabrielle’s here too, and she and Theresa are coordinating the division of tasks.

Theresa, who knows how to motivate him, hands him a very large cup of coffee, which he drinks way too fast and burns his tongue on. (Worth it, though.)

This is Erik’s life: being pushed around by the various women in it: Theresa, Gabrielle, his mother, Magda, his daughters, etc.

“I need you to lift things and glower at people over my shoulder when I tell people that it’s not ‘politically correct’ or a ‘war on Christmas’ to have a non-denominational winter holiday festival,” says Theresa. 

Well, at least those are two things he’s _good_ at. 

“Can I at least make scary eyes and make them think I might murder them in their sleep?” asks Erik.

“Sweetie, that’s why I picked you,” says Theresa.

*****

So Erik lifts heavy stuff and glowers at people until they shut up, and by early afternoon the gym is actually starting to look pretty nice. It’s decorated in shades of blue and silver and white and grey, not the obnoxious red/green combo that assaults Erik’s eyes every other damn place he goes this time of year. This might not actually be terrible. 

He checks on his kids in the play area, and they’re all still doing well, so he takes the opportunity to sneak out for a quick smoke.

“Give me one of those,” says Gabrielle, materializing at his side and snatching the cigarette right out of Erik’s mouth, before taking a long drag on it.

“Long week, I take it,” says Erik.

“No, it’s just --” Gabrielle takes another drag off the cigarette. “My ex just moved back to town. He’s going to be a lot more involved with David from now on.”

“I see,” says Erik, and he does. Even though Gabrielle’s divorce was generally amicable, just as Erik’s was, there’s still friction. 

“If he gets pushy about custody, I can crush his car into a tiny cube and threaten to do the same to him,” Erik offers. 

Gabrielle actually unbends enough to laugh. “No, but thanks. He’s not _bad_ , he’s just --”

“Yeah,” says Erik. He gets it. He’s fully prepared to hate this guy on Gabrielle’s behalf.

*****

The winter festival rolls around, and Erik and his kids arrive just as things are getting started.

“What the hell is this?” says Erik, looking at the … [thing](http://www.geltfiend.com/collections/frontpage) Theresa has just handed him. 

“It’s a terrible Hanukkah sweater,” she tells him. “We’re all wearing them this year --”

“No we’re not,” Erik interrupts. He’ll set himself on fire first.

Theresa just gives him a sly look. “Kids!” she calls. “Don’t you want to see your father try on his new sweater?”

“Oh yes, daddy, please!” “Tryitontryitontryiton” “Come on Dad!” “Dadda dadda dadda”

Erik glares at Theresa as he pulls the sweater on over his shirt. “One day I’m going to rip the iron right out of your blood.”

“Better men than you have tried,” Theresa says serenely.

*****

Anya asks for permission to walk around the festival with the Prydes instead, since Kitty is her age and the two of them are friends. So that only gives him three kids to wrangle -- but it’s still three of _his_ kids -- and while he loves them dearly, he is not blind to the fact that they are handfuls.

So Erik wears the terrible Hanukkah sweater as the kids drag him every which way, demanding to play games and eat festival food and see _everything_. 

Erik’s feet are already beginning to ache.

*****

They run into the Hallers next to the duck pond, and Erik is vaguely gratified to see that Theresa made her wear one of the terrible Hannukah sweaters, too. 

Wanda and Pietro converge on David, who’s sitting in the lap of a man in a wheelchair. The man says something, and they all laugh, and then he looks up at Erik and --

And --

_Oh._

“Fuck,” breathes Erik to Gabrielle, standing next to him. “You didn’t tell me he was hot.” Erik is definitely _not_ ogling the way the man’s shoulders and arms look in that tight t-shirt, muscles working as he pushes himself forward.

“ _No_ ,” says Gabrielle firmly. “No, you are not allowed to sleep with my ex, Erik. Erik, are you listening?”

Erik’s not listening.

*****

 

Gabrielle’s ex -- Charles -- shakes Erik’s hand. 

(Belatedly Erik realizes he’s being introduced to this extremely hot man while still wearing a terrible Hannukah sweater, and he curses Theresa Pryde and her children, and her children’s children.) 

“Hello, Erik,” Charles says politely, in a posh British accent that makes Erik want to climb in his lap right now. _Gabby tells me I’m not allowed to sleep with you_. And fuck, Charles is a _telepath_ and that is _so hot_.

 _Gabrielle told me the same thing_ Erik wants to say. “it’s nice to meet you too,” Erik says instead, mindful of all the children around. 

(And since Gabrielle’s usually the one who watches the kids when both Magda and his parents are out of town -- which they are right now -- it would be super awkward of him to foist his kids off on her so he can bone the ex she specifically told him not to sleep with. Besides, he should probably concentrate on actually being a good parent, and shit.

He is absolutely _not_ trying to come up with ways to make it work anyway.)

*****

They spend the rest of the night with their kids at the winter festival, making polite conversation, and _not_ eyefucking, because they are adults, goddamnit. 

Erik crashes hard that night, and when he wakes up the next morning, he wonders how he can persuade Gabrielle to give him Charles’s phone number.

Just then Erik’s cell phone rings and the caller ID says _Charles Xavier_. Erik has to restrain himself from shouting “YES!”

They arrange a time to go get coffee, and as soon as Erik gets off the phone with Charles he calls up Ororo Munroe from down the street to see if she’s available to babysit. She is, and Erik barely restrains himself from punching air after he hangs up the phone.

He tells himself, it’s just coffee. Surely there’s nothing wrong with getting coffee. Charles is the parent of a child who is friends with Erik’s own children. Shouldn’t they try to get along? Maybe even be friends?

It’s just innocent, _platonic_ , coffee.

*****

“Gabby’s going to be furious with us,” says Charles, some time later.

“Probably,” says Erik. He’s probably broken some kind of code, though. Friends before fucks, or whatever. (Shit, she is his friend, isn’t she? Damn, how did that happen.) He only feels a little bit guilty, though. The sex had been amazing. 

“Well, she’s going to be mad anyway … shall we go again?” asks Charles.

“Yes,” says Erik immediately.

*****

“Goddammit, I told you not to sleep with him,” says Gabrielle, but there’s no heat in her voice.

Erik shrugs. Still not caring.

“At least tell me it was a one time thing.”

“I could,” says Erik, “but I’d be lying.”

“You’re driving all the kids to Hebrew school for the next two Saturdays,” says Gabrielle.

“That’s fair,” Erik agrees.

*****

Still, he’s waiting for her to get some kind of revenge on him, and he’s not disappointed. 

“DaddyDaddyDaddy,” Pietro zips up to him, running excitedly in circles around his legs. “David’s mom and dad said he could get a puppy! Can we get a puppy? Please please please!”

“Please please please!” begs Wanda, running up to him and clinging to his legs.

“Peas peas!” burbles Lorna, toddling up to him.

“C’mon, Daaaaaaaaaaad,” Anya whines. “We’ll feed him and walk him and you won’t have to do anything!”

Erik feels a sharp, stabbing pain start right behind his eyeball. Well played, Gabrielle. Well _played_.


End file.
